Two of my favorite physically active pastimes are Brazilian jiu jitsu (BJJ) and rock climbing. (Kettlebell training is obviously great too, but I mostly do that so that I’m more capable when training BJJ or climbing.)
Both activities provide a variety of fantastic benefits—here’s a totally shameless plug for the BJJ classes at TNT if you’re in the area—but I bring them up now to discuss a similarity that I’ve noticed in the attitude of almost everyone who I’ve met while participating in either activity.
When you show up to a BJJ class at either your “home” gym or a random gym while traveling, a rock climbing gym, or the local outdoor climbing spot, almost every single person you’ll meet is legitimately friendly, happy to see you there, and willing to offer assistance or to “roll” (BJJ sparring match) or climb with you.
I think the main reason for that attitude is because both activities are potentially extremely dangerous.
In BJJ, the ultimate goal is to submit an opponent by catching him/her in a choke hold or joint lock. Anyone who doesn’t tap—a verbal or physical display of accepting defeat—when caught in such a hold risks passing out or dislocating a joint.
In climbing, a lack of attention on the part of either the belayer—the person holding the rope and preventing the climber from falling to the ground—or the climber could result in broken bones or death(!) for either or both participants.
In other words, both individuals involved in either activity are simultaneously at risk of injury and responsible for reducing their partner’s risk of injury.
Of course, neither individual wants to be injured or to be responsible for the injury of their training partner. And it’s precisely that characteristic which produces a sense of trust in and mutual respect for anyone participating in the activity.
It doesn’t matter if your partner is a long-time friend or a friend who you just met (more commonly known as “a stranger”).
It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen them at the gym or on the mountain a thousand times before or if this is the first time.
It doesn’t matter if the last time that they (or you) participated in the activity was yesterday or a year ago.
What matters is the fact that you’re both participating in the (dangerous) activity right now. You both know that you’re at risk and responsible. And, subsequently, you’re both extremely grateful that the other is willing to sacrifice their time and risk their health so that you can improve your skill, have a bunch of fun, and perhaps catch some amazing views.
More simply stated, the fact that they’re there makes you better.
What this has to do with your fitness
It probably seems obvious that trust in, respect for, and appreciation of other participants in dangerous, partner-based activities happens somewhat naturally. What is perhaps less obvious is that, as social creatures—yes, even introverts like me—we often develop those emotions for others who participate with us in any activity that involves a high degree of attention, effort, and time.
You know, during activities like Toastmasters groups, chess clubs, or intentional exercise at a gym—whether that’s “together” in a class or “together” at a box gym doing your own thing.
Seriously.
As a coach who gets insights from both private conversations and simply watching people interact in a gym setting, most people tend to not realize how much positive impact they have on others at the gym.
It’s human nature to be concerned with what others think of us. Unfortunately, that often takes a negative twist in our minds, particularly at the gym, and we assume that people are judging us:
- “Does the coach think I’m not trying hard enough?”
- “I haven’t been in for awhile. Will everyone think I’ve been completely slacking?”
- “Everyone is lifting more than me. Why am I even doing this?”
But from my own personal experiences and what I’ve seen and heard, what others are thinking far more often is:
- “They said they had a rough day/week/month/whatever. The fact that they put in the effort to be here is pretty awesome and inspiring.”
- “I wonder where Joe is… He always work so hard, and I try to keep up when he’s here. I hope he’s doing OK.”
- “Everyone is lifting more than me. Why am I even doing this?” (People are sometimes so focused on what they’re doing and what others might be thinking of them that they fail to realize that they’re doing more than they think and also that others are looking up to them instead of judging them.)
Putting it into practice
First, if you haven’t been to the gym for awhile, schedule a session on your calendar and get there!
I know… that’s a bit self-serving if you train at TNT. But if you don’t, I still want you to find a way to get in to wherever you typically train. People miss you!
Second (or first, if you’re already a regular gym-goer), take a look around you the next time you get to the gym. Who do you recognize? Is there something they’ve done in the past that has inspired you? (e.g. lifted a certain amount, been super consistent, made a ton of progress)
Make a note of that. Then recognize that, if you’ve never told them, they probably don’t even know that they’ve inspired you. Do you think others might possibly feel the same way about you? Good… now schedule your next gym session. It’ll benefit both you and them. 😉
Finally, if you’re feeling so inclined, go tell the person that they’ve inspired you in the past. And be specific regarding how. It’ll come across as more sincere—and be less awkward if you’re at a box gym and it’s someone you don’t specifically know.
You may not be surprised if they seem grateful for having been told and subsequently finish their session with a little extra pep. But you might be surprised at how good it actually makes you feel and the energy that you’ll get for your training session.
I’ll save the science of that for a future tip perhaps. In any case, we’ve all been holed up a bit too much over the past two years during COVID. This won’t solve the world’s problems. But a little extra sincere positivity can’t hurt…