In my years of coaching, I’ve heard the following statement uttered explicitly a handful of times—and conceptualized a lot more: “I’m an adult… I should be able to figure out how to stay consistent.”
The idea is that, because the individual has demonstrated consistency in areas like showing up to work, maintaining relationships, and balancing the checkbook, s/he should also be able to show that same consistency when exercising and eating to achieve a goal.
When life gets in the way—causing new (and currently fragile) habits to disappear and old patterns to re-emerge—the conclusion is often that either the goal isn’t that important or the strategy wasn’t the right one. That often leads to picking a new strategy in the hope that it’ll be easier to stick with.
But in many cases, the issue doesn’t have anything to do with the strategy or the goal. It has to do with the concept of consistency itself.
Consistency is a skill
One of the reasons that thought—“I should be able to figure this out”—feels so frustrating is that it frames consistency as a personality trait.
Viewed from this angle, being consistent in some areas of life and inconsistent in other areas is, well, inconsistent. And we feel frustrated when our rational minds struggle to reconcile that inconsistency with the very natural self-image of being a consistent person.
But it turns out that consistency isn’t a personality trait.
It’s a skill.
And like any skill, it has to be learned in the specific context in which we’re trying to apply it.
You may be highly consistent at work—because you’ve spent years learning how to manage deadlines, navigate interruptions, and follow through on responsibilities.
You may be consistent in your relationships—because you’ve learned how to communicate, prioritize time, and show up for others.
But applying that same level of consistency to exercise, nutrition, or any other new habit isn’t automatic. It’s a unique skill set with different constraints, obstacles, and patterns to interrupt and replace.
That means struggling to stay consistent isn’t a sign that you’ve chosen the wrong strategy. It’s a sign that you’re still learning how to apply the strategy in real life.
And as I’ve said before, learning, by definition, involves imperfect reps, missed days, and adjustments along the way.
When practice gets replaced
If consistency is a skill, then the natural next step would be to practice it.
But that’s not what most of us do.
Instead, we treat inconsistency as evidence that something isn’t working and move on to something else: we change the training plan, try a different nutrition approach, or otherwise look for a strategy that feels easier to stick with.
On the surface, that seems logical.
But in many cases, what’s actually happening is that we replace a viable strategy before we’ve developed the skill required to follow it.
This tends to lead to two suboptimal outcomes.
First, when we switch between plans without getting enough practice with any of them to learn what works, we never really find out whether one of them would have worked with a few small adjustments.
Second, when we avoid the struggle of sticking with a strategy when life gets busy, stressful, or unpredictable, we never develop the context-specific skill of consistency that produces the results we’re after. Because that’s exactly how consistency is built—not in perfect conditions, but in the small decisions we make when things don’t go according to plan.
And if we don’t give ourselves that opportunity, it becomes easy to assume that we need a new plan—when what we actually need is more practice.
Practice or replace?
Before changing the plan, it’s worth asking a simple question: Do I need a new strategy or more practice?
If you’ve given something an honest effort, adjusted where needed, and aren’t experiencing results, then a change might make sense.
But if the primary issue has been inconsistency—especially in the face of normal, everyday challenges—there’s a good chance that the best next step isn’t a new plan.
It’s more reps—with options that account for variability in life.
When consistency is treated like a skill, progress becomes less about finding the “right” strategy and more about becoming the person who can apply a reasonable one, even when life isn’t perfectly aligned.
Putting it into practice
Think of one habit you’ve started and stopped recently.
Was the strategy actually flawed, or did you run into friction that you didn’t fully solve?
If the latter, pick one action that you believe is directionally correct and commit to practicing it for the next week or two instead of trying a completely new strategy. (And strongly consider applying the three-option approach from the tip linked in the section above!)
Pay attention to where things break down:
- When does it feel hardest to follow through?
- What tends to get in the way?
- What small adjustment might make it easier to stick with?
Then adjust, and keep going.
You might find that the strategy you were ready to replace just needed a little more practice.