A couple weeks ago I briefly discussed Goal Setting Theory and the replicated research showing how to set goals that are actually motivating. This week I want to cover a few ideas related to the change process because the two go hand-in-hand.
Without goals, we often don’t have much reason to intentionally change. Without change, we’re far less likely to achieve our goals. And, based on goal-setting and achievement statistics, we as a collective society seem to be pretty terrible at both.
To paint the picture, Strava, the popular running and cycling app, has dubbed the second Friday of the year as “Quitter’s Day” because that’s when a large number of people stop tracking (and presumably stop doing) their activities. And other research indicates that only 35-40% of Americans actually set goals around the New Year and that less than 10% end up achieving them.
Of course, that final stat shows that setting motivating goals and undergoing intentional change is possible. In my experience, the difference is often dependent upon a couple minor perspective shifts and a high-level action.
To start…
Recognize that ambivalence about change is normal
You might think that the change process looks something like this:
- Observe an internal desire to change.
- Decide to change.
- Change and, within some reasonable timeframe, accomplish the related goal.
But the reality of the situation looks more like this:
- Feel uncomfortable with the current situation and recognize a desire for a different outcome (i.e. goal).
- Consider what might be required to achieve the outcome. Wish it required something easier or different. Forget about it for awhile.
- Recognize a stronger desire for the outcome. Do more research.
- Dabble with some stuff that’s supposed to work. Feel unclear and frustrated. Fail. (Or make progress without noticing, and quit anyway.)
- Repeat steps 3 and 4 a few more times, becoming slightly more skilled with each iteration.
- Reach a tipping point where some skill has developed, progress occurs, and a stronger desire to continue changing and a belief that it’s possible develops.
- Recognize that perfection isn’t possible or necessary, and accept the imperfect, ongoing growth process.
Obviously, developing a plan for learning and consistently implementing new skills or practices is necessary for achieving goals. But first understanding that “change” is a process as opposed to a single action can go a long way in helping you manage your expectations of the situation. Welcome to the human condition. 🙂
After recognizing the process for what it is and developing a willingness to follow it, a high-level step you can take to make the process easier and more enjoyable and fun is to…
Join a community
This doesn’t necessarily mean joining a gym, church, or some other type of formal group (although those are all options). But it does mean surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals, some of whom should/will be farther along the path than you.
Of course, this could mean joining a gym, church, or other formal group. But it could also mean becoming an active member of an online forum, joining or creating an informal club of neighbors or friends, or taking a class or workshop to meet others who are interested in pursuing a similar goal.
This serves two purposes: First, it helps you develop an identity that aligns with the type of person who would be in such a group. Second, being around others who act a specific way normalizes that behavior. And just like the way goals and the change process relate, so do your identities and behaviors.
Identifying as the type of person who behaves a certain way makes actually behaving in that way easier. And behaving a certain way reinforces the related identity. It’s why people who are working to overcome substance abuse issues attend weekly meetings as opposed to hanging out in bars. Of course, this works equally well when it comes to change in financial-, education-, spirituality-, relationship-, and fitness-related pursuits.
And that leads to the final idea surrounding the change process. It’s a perspective shift that can make joining a community a much more comfortable and inviting option…
Recognize that most successful people want you to be successful too
Particularly with fitness, it’s not uncommon to feel intimidated about joining a community of people who are farther along the path to where you want to be. In plenty of cases, the idea of not being able to keep up or potentially appearing foolish for not being able to do something can even prevent someone from joining a community that could help them achieve exactly what they want.
But I’ll let you in on a little secret: Fit people want others to be fit too. We—obviously I include myself in the category of “fit people”—don’t judge or criticize others for being “less fit”. Rather, we applaud them for taking the steps that produce change. Because we’ve been there, know the hard work involved, and are, in fact, still going through the process ourselves. And we respect the effort, regardless of the degree of progress along the path.
So, while it’s certainly normal to feel uncomfortable for a variety of reasons when undergoing change in the pursuit of a goal, remember two things: First, the people who are already where you want to be not only want you to be successful too but also are often more than willing to help you on your journey. And, second, the few people who don’t feel that way aren’t really worth your concern.
In fact…
Putting it into practice
Almost 115 years ago, former President Teddy Roosevelt said the same when he delivered the following lines in a speech that has become known as “The Man in the Arena”:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
That quote hangs next to a picture of Grand Teton (one of my favorite mountains to summit) and another leadership quote on a wall in my office at the gym. It regularly serves to remind me that the discomfort that comes with change is always a better option than the alternative.
My hope is that you also take it to heart this year as you pursue the goals that are meaningful to you.
(And if you’d like help—with anything related to fitness, nutrition, mindset, stress, or sleep—you can learn more and get started here.)