Yesterday I hung out with a couple guys with whom I’ve been friends since kindergarten. We don’t see each other nearly as often as we used to, so it was great to catch up. Of course, we talked about a variety of topics which you might expect: relationships, careers, parents, kids (or lack thereof), health. While we certainly have a lot in common—we’ve been friends for over 37 years after all—we also each have our own experiences that are quite a bit different than those of the other two.
Throughout our conversation, I recognized a common thread that I’ve also noticed when discussing life experiences with a variety of other people from diverse backgrounds who I’ve met during my time running the gym, through other organizations with which I’ve been involved, in my range of hobbies, and during past travel experiences: everything in life is hard, and our choices simply determine what version of “hard” we experience.
Running your own business is hard. So is working for someone else.
Exercising regularly is hard. So is having poor cardiovascular health and being physically weak.
Losing weight (and keeping it off) is hard. So is being overweight.
Overcoming addiction is hard. So is dealing with the consequences of giving in to the temptation.
Putting in time and effort to advance your education is hard. So is ignorance.
Improving or repairing an intimate relationship is hard. So is divorce (a break-up, etc.).
Disciplining yourself to save money or pay off debt is hard. So is being poor or filing for bankruptcy.
Fighting/standing up for a cause is hard (particularly when it’s not popular). So is acquiescence.
<Enter your current struggle here> is hard. So is <whatever is the opposite>.
Now all of that might seem like a bit of a downer. For a bit of a “pick-me-up”, consider two more ideas:
First, growth—whether physical, mental, or emotional—happens when we experience and subsequently overcome challenges. And that growth often leads to more easily overcoming or circumventing similar challenges in the future. (An additional aside: We also tend to be proudest of ourselves when we overcome significant challenges.)
Second, everything in life becomes just a little bit easier as we grow and develop better habits. Obviously, developing new, good habits and breaking old, bad habits is hard at first too. But as you may have already accurately assumed, not doing so is as well.
Ultimately, the takeaway should be that, while everything in life is hard, we can experience generally more pleasant versions of “hard” if we continually intentionally learn from our past experiences and develop processes (i.e. habits) to help us navigate similar future experiences.
Putting it into practice
Spend a few minutes considering a challenge that you’re currently experiencing, along with a potential “opposite” of the challenge. Then ask yourself two sets of questions:
- What are the benefits of overcoming the challenge? What are the drawbacks of dealing with the challenge?
- What are the potential benefits of avoiding or experiencing the opposite of the challenge? What are the potential drawbacks of avoiding or experiencing the opposite of the challenge?
Now, which of the two—the challenge or its opposite—would you prefer to deal with? If you decide it’s the challenge you’re currently facing, cool. If you decide it’s actually the opposite, that’s cool too.
Obviously, you still have to develop and stick with a plan in order to overcome the challenge that you choose. But you’ll be able to tackle the challenge with a renewed sense of vigor by starting with the perspective that life will be a little better for having done so.